Tanith

Well.. I changed my blog name and everything with it. Something drastic happened that changed my live around. THe only person I could trust here in England, the only person I could tell anything and trust with anything betrayed me. Let me throw in some background for you first:

Laim, my partner, the love of my life is a university student. To get us by, he has a part time job at the bookies here in Derby. He spends his time there for 20 hours a week, and making a pretty good living for just a part time job next to university. To keep the slow hours in the office go by a bit more quickly he would often put a pound on a doggy or a hourse. Turns out that he put a lot more then just a pound on a doggy or horse. And a few days ago, he really went overboard. I got my wages in on the 26th, I dont get paid much, but enough to get us by. After 2 days Liam wasted 725 pounds of my wages. Trying to get back what he lost earlier.

He has been restless for the past days, unable to sleep and wondering around the house for ages, keeping me awake. On Friday morning, 6am I woke up and realised Liam still didn't came to bed, so I called out and he shouted back from down stairs. I asked him to come up and when he finally did he sat on the edge of the bed;

Me: "Come in to bed sweety, I'd like a nice cuddle before I have to head off to work."
Liam: "You don't want to hug me after you hear what I have to tell you."
Me: "What's wrong?" (unsettled by the tone of his voice)
Liam: "I have a gambling addiction."
Me: "What?"
Liam: "I just wasted nearly all your wages in 2 days, trying to get back what I lost earlier."
Me: ... "How much?"
Liam: "I think you have about £150 left in your account"
Me: "So my bank card wasn't lost? You had it all this time?"
Liam: "Yes, it is downstairs."
Me: "Owh my..."
Liam: "I know."

The rest went really fast, I went to work after telling Liam all was fine, that we would work it out. Took all his bankcards, and mine, all his change, everything. I am glad he confessed and trusted me with this, before it got even more out of control. He hurt me deeply, I can not trust him no more, my solid rock changed into water overnight. I took the afternoon off work, told my boss everything, I had to confide in somebody, and I needed the rest of the day off, tell Liam how I really felt about all this. They were very supportive, giving me off all the time I need to try and sort this out, trying to get an advance in wages for me, giving tips and advice, they are being really sweet, I am stunned.

Me and Liam talked things over, made calculations how we can best manage the rest of our money, how to get by. I told him how I felt; betrayed, lost and very dissapointed. He understands and knows that he can not have any money, any control over his (or mine for that matter) bank account and everything that comes with it. I still feel lost, betrayed and abbandoned. We will work things out but it is going to be difficult.

Liam quit his job yesterday, with 1 weeks notice. I hope he will be alright in there, so close to temptation even though he doesn't feel like gambling anymore, as now he confessed everything to me. I just can not trust him and that makes this the worst part. I knew I was practically alone here in England, with only Liam as my comfort, my light, now I feel like I am all alone. I can not tell my parents, ask them for help and advice, they will get the first plane and kidnap me, bring me back to Holland. It is going to be difficult, but we can handle it, we will manage it and maybe one day I can trust him again.

So yes, I wont be a gaming girl for quite a while to come, I can not afford a new pc or any new parts for quite some time. I'll just be plain ol' Tanith, even more boring without her games.