Well.. I changed my blog name and everything with it. Something drastic happened that changed my live around. THe only person I could trust here in England, the only person I could tell anything and trust with anything betrayed me. Let me throw in some background for you first:
Laim, my partner, the love of my life is a university student. To get us by, he has a part time job at the bookies here in Derby. He spends his time there for 20 hours a week, and making a pretty good living for just a part time job next to university. To keep the slow hours in the office go by a bit more quickly he would often put a pound on a doggy or a hourse. Turns out that he put a lot more then just a pound on a doggy or horse. And a few days ago, he really went overboard. I got my wages in on the 26th, I dont get paid much, but enough to get us by. After 2 days Liam wasted 725 pounds of my wages. Trying to get back what he lost earlier.
He has been restless for the past days, unable to sleep and wondering around the house for ages, keeping me awake. On Friday morning, 6am I woke up and realised Liam still didn't came to bed, so I called out and he shouted back from down stairs. I asked him to come up and when he finally did he sat on the edge of the bed;
Me: "Come in to bed sweety, I'd like a nice cuddle before I have to head off to work."
Liam: "You don't want to hug me after you hear what I have to tell you."
Me: "What's wrong?" (unsettled by the tone of his voice)
Liam: "I have a gambling addiction."
Me: "What?"
Liam: "I just wasted nearly all your wages in 2 days, trying to get back what I lost earlier."
Me: ... "How much?"
Liam: "I think you have about £150 left in your account"
Me: "So my bank card wasn't lost? You had it all this time?"
Liam: "Yes, it is downstairs."
Me: "Owh my..."
Liam: "I know."
The rest went really fast, I went to work after telling Liam all was fine, that we would work it out. Took all his bankcards, and mine, all his change, everything. I am glad he confessed and trusted me with this, before it got even more out of control. He hurt me deeply, I can not trust him no more, my solid rock changed into water overnight. I took the afternoon off work, told my boss everything, I had to confide in somebody, and I needed the rest of the day off, tell Liam how I really felt about all this. They were very supportive, giving me off all the time I need to try and sort this out, trying to get an advance in wages for me, giving tips and advice, they are being really sweet, I am stunned.
Me and Liam talked things over, made calculations how we can best manage the rest of our money, how to get by. I told him how I felt; betrayed, lost and very dissapointed. He understands and knows that he can not have any money, any control over his (or mine for that matter) bank account and everything that comes with it. I still feel lost, betrayed and abbandoned. We will work things out but it is going to be difficult.
Liam quit his job yesterday, with 1 weeks notice. I hope he will be alright in there, so close to temptation even though he doesn't feel like gambling anymore, as now he confessed everything to me. I just can not trust him and that makes this the worst part. I knew I was practically alone here in England, with only Liam as my comfort, my light, now I feel like I am all alone. I can not tell my parents, ask them for help and advice, they will get the first plane and kidnap me, bring me back to Holland. It is going to be difficult, but we can handle it, we will manage it and maybe one day I can trust him again.
So yes, I wont be a gaming girl for quite a while to come, I can not afford a new pc or any new parts for quite some time. I'll just be plain ol' Tanith, even more boring without her games.
How can I be so exited about a normal excel training. The company were I work for offered an excel training for the people who wanted it, so I am going! This Friday I got the first one, intermediate they call it. I had a quick look at what they are going through in that 1 day, but it seems like I know most of the stuff. I just want the certificate that comes with it so I can show my future bosses that I know the program and that I can do all this stuff! Maybe that’s why I am exited, I do not have many papers and this was I can prove that I know it.
There are 2 credit controllers going out soon for pregnancy leave and I really hope I can squeeze myself in to take over their ledgers, or you know, from one of those two. The wages are a lot more and let’s face it; Liam and I can really use that raise that comes with the job, also because we do not want to live in this damn house forever, next summer we’re moving out! Also, again for future bosses, credit controller looks a lot better then assistant administrator.
Logging queries is what I am doing at the moment, and sometimes helping out with cash allocations, it is so damn boring. But hey, it is my entire fault, I dropped out of college, I could not be bothered anymore. It just sometimes a bit hard, back in Holland I was about to run the department I was working in, I was told unofficially that if I had stayed, I would have been the most likely candidate for the job, to supervise and lead. Here I am, in England, starting all the way at the bottom again, sometimes makes me feel like crying. I can do so much more then this simple work but I am just not given the opportunity here. Maybe I should move on, or calm down and wait for the best?
Nothing works better then rain to give you a good depression. I think that missing all my friends and especially my family is finally getting to me a bit. I still not managed to make new friends here, but hey, I got a steady job like almost straight away and nobody here is really interesting. Off course I made a few friends through Liam but they are mainly his friends. It would be nice to have my own friend so I can tell all the annoying stuff Liam is doing without him hearing about it!
England is just weird, it is so much different then Holland. You wouldn’t think so but it is; the whole culture is different, the people are very different and sometimes it can be quite hard to work around that. Obviously I am trying to adapt and I believe that I am doing pretty well. There are limits though; I do not want to lose myself in all this false politeness (workplace) or grumpiness at home because of Erm. He is so doing my head in but hey, not long now anymore. Doesn’t matter what happens, I am so not signing up for another year with him. After this winter it is more then over, and I really do not want to see him for over a month after that! Do I have to see him at all? Yes unfortunately so, he still is Liam’s cousin.
I do have to be a bit careful though, I do not want to annoy Liam to much with me not getting along with Erm, he knows this and if I keep bugging him with this it might just push him away from me. It is just a bit difficult you see, he is the only one I can really talk to.
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We decided to go to a car boot sale next Sunday, should be quite interesting. He heard somewhere that a couple went to car boot sales for cheap stuff, sold them on through EBay and earned their mortgage payment with! So obviously Liam though this might be a good idea and so we are off to a car boot sale. It might work, it might fail horribly, it will be fun to try though. I love car boots anyway, I once saw a guy on TV who bought a bracelet for his girlfriend for a pound, cheap ugly thing. I do not know how they found out but that that bracelet was 18 Karat gold and the 25 medium sized fake diamonds were real! He bought for 1 pound a bracelet that was worth around 1000 pounds! Now, the changes of that happening to me are very slim, but hey, you never know, maybe I find an original Van Gogh or something.
It has been a while, another holiday? Yes indeed. My cousin came over from Holland. What was supposed to be a long weekend became 10 days. Now don’t get me wrong, my cousin has a heart of gold, just a really big yap to go with it. 10 days was just too long haha. But we had fun, did lots of stuff and it was actually quite good. The best part was that I get to spend a lot of time with Liam as well.
We did lots of things; we went to a tattoo convention with over 100 artists coming from all over the world. My cousin actually got a tattoo on her foot, she already has a few tattoos and this was the most painful apparently. As it was steaming hot outside and with her foot that she gave no change to heal she pretty much screwed up her holiday. I wanted to take her everywhere, show her how beautiful England can be (as long as you don’t live in the city haha), but thanks to her foot we could hardly go anywhere; she could not walk for very long.
We did do a few things but nothing to write home about. We also went out a few times, but geez, Derby is boring! There are a few nice pubs around but so far I not been in a pub or club yet that makes me in a good mood straight away. You know what I mean, some gorgeous place where you hear the music and you get this “vibe”. I miss that here.
But in the end it was quite a good holiday, off course there was some annoyance from Term but meh, that always seems to be the case, and I annoyingly got used to it.
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I can not wait till I am able to get my new machine, however I’ve been thinking as well, maybe I’ll just leave it and get myself a laptop. I don’t really miss gaming at the moment, but I do believe that is more due to the fact that there are not really amazing new games out. I do miss playing Guild Wars though, and even the Sims 2 which I play now and then (I like to cheat, get lots of money and decorate! How girly of me).
We all know that a laptop is just shit for gaming so I don’t know. Maybe in the far future I’ll have both one day, a gaming PC and a laptop for all my other projects! Which reminds me, I still need to get office 2007 *makes note*.
This is just typical me, I got loads of ideas but none actually come out. I really should write them all down and cross them off as I go, if I go at all.
