Tanith

I’m skipping today, I know I shouldn’t but when my alarm went off this morning I just could not get up. I do have a bit of a headache but when I called in I kind off lied. I am currently sitting at home with a massive migraine and I am really incapable of doing anything at the moment. Ever since I made my mind up of getting the hell out of there I just cannot be bothered anymore, getting up every morning on time is getting harder and harder, the will to work for them is gone.

Something completely random and unfair which is a side effect of me not going to work this morning is Liam being angry at me. He was supposed to go to uni at noon today, but we did not wake up until 11.30am. Now he is angry with me for not getting up at the time I normally do on a Monday morning and therefore not waking him up so he would be on time at uni. So, to sum it up, we got up, had quick coffee and I raced into my clothes to drop him off. He wasn’t very happy when I dropped him off as I took the road I usually take to uni and apparently that is the long, long way to get there. Some people are never pleased, no matter how much you try and help them out.

Honestly, I don’t think it is my fault that he was ‘nearly’ late this morning; he has a telephone with an alarm on it and an alarm clock next to his bed. Ah well, he just phoned that he is on his way back so I best make him a nice coffee. I also made myself promise that I am going to work tomorrow. Ah, wish me luck.

Well, the news came in. Our office in Derby is definitely going to close. I need to have a new job before the end of June or we are screwed. Liam asked me if I wanted to go to uni instead of finding a different job. I would only need a part time job but as much as I want to, I also want to live decent and be able to move out not next student year, but the year after that. If I go on and take up a full course now we are not going anywhere, and god knows how long we would be stuck here. I am so not going to miss that place, even though some people are nice. It is time, to move on and hopefully moving up the ladder a bit.

I really hope there is something out there for me, something wonderful and good. Unfortunately Red did not turn out to be that great. I am not seeing Red anymore. It wasn’t even a job opportunity; they are just trying to sell you the driver instructor course. I know, I know, I should have know that they were screwing me over but hey, it gave me 2 hours off work and maybe an idea for the future. It all sounds very good and if you have plenty of customers, you can make a decent living, fairly good to say. But in these times, it is just not worth it. The course itself costs £3,678.00 which is just too enormous. There is no guaranty that you will have enough customers to pay for all your expenses and have enough left for your bills etc as well. And in all honesty, I don’t think I would make such a good teacher.

So not it is just waiting for the right opportunity to come along and hopefully impress the people with my letter and CV to get an invitation and after that, hopefully impress them face to face. Unfortunately as I discovered very recently, I seem to forget all the English words I have ever learned when nervous. This does not look good for me. It was so weird, I tried to think of normal English words and they all escaped my mind, even though I never have any problems with the English language, ever. I feel so ashamed; I should and could have done a lot better.

Please do not worry, I am just keeping the suspense, my story about Liam and me meeting will continue soon, hang in there!

I am so not happy. I know this is going to be an awful entry and not very fun for you all to read but I have to let it out. I AM NOT HAPPY! It is the time of the year again, our landlady gives us a call asking if we want to stay for the next ‘uni’ year. I informed her that Liam and me wanted to stay for the next year, well, we do not want to really but we don’t have much choice unfortunately. Erm kept dodging the question when we told him that we need to let the landlady know what it is going to be. I hoped so badly that he didn’t want to stay, Liam and I already decided that we can do it on our own. I was so looking forward to being just alone again. In all honesty, my life has been an absolute mess since Liam signed up for university here in Derby.

I think it is best to do the whole story in stages, to avoid a really long and boring entry. It think it is time to tell you all how I landed in little shitty Derby, we’re going back to the beginning!

Let’s start with saying that I am a geek, or a nerd, I cannot remember the difference between those two. I love online gaming, first person shooters in particularly. I got hooked when my brother showed me a game he was playing named Delta Force 2. The first time I played I did not get off until around 5 in the morning. After European people went to sleep I stayed up and played with the Americans, I was hooked. I nearly played every free night I had, which disappointed my parents a lot, as I was still living at home but never showing my face.

What was even more disappointing for them is that I dropped out of college and started to work. I did not have the patient to sit still, to absorb what education had to give me, the fool I was. After 6 months trying to study how to be an administration assistant without any books (somehow nobody seemed to be able to help me getting the right books) I was so frustrated and fed up that I decided to drop out. This wasn’t what I wanted to do anyway!

I started working at a big grocery store near where I lived as my parents told me so lovingly ‘a job is a job, you dropped out, now you have to go work for your meals’. In all honesty they didn’t force me to pay anything as long as I lived under their roof, they been really helpful, nice and understanding, but hated the fact that I dropped out and did nothing all day. Within 2 weeks I had started at the grocery store, nothing special but there were some nice people around and I made some good friends. I also fell in love there, which is a complete different story, which is really not interesting so I will keep it short. We started dating and I sort of ‘lost’ my interest in Delta Force 2 as I was busy most of the nights with this guy. I also changed jobs, I found a nice, pretty good paying job as (if you are guessing, your guessing right) an administrative assistant for a distribution centre for DVD’s, books and basically everything relating to Multi Media.

What can I say, after 9 months and just spending a nice week in Turkey, we broke up. So having a lot of time on my hands again, I started working weekends in a nightclub so having 2 jobs, respectable administrative assistant by weekdays and going madly wild and enjoying herself to the max on weekend evening. That is a time I am still thinking back to very fondly. I also discovered Red Faction, an online multiplayer first person shooter, fps in short. I got hooked again.

Next time; How Tanith met Liam

I called Liam later in the afternoon when I tried to see if Betty’s heart was working again. It wasn’t. I knew this was going to be expensive. Liam’s friend and now also boss knows a bit about cars so when he brought Liam home from work they picked up a new ‘heart’ for my little Betty. It took a while but after while the operation was successful! My wonderful little purple (not blue, I don’t care what Liam, or the official papers, say) is alive again! And she is fitter then ever. No more rough mornings with a lot of coughs but finally getting on with it, everything runs a lot smoother now. Poor Betty cost me quite a bit lately but she is worth it, lets just hope this is the last of it for now.

Still not really very lucky at the job front, I called the guy who I had an interview with 2 weeks ago now (called him last Wednesday), I have to give it to English ‘politeness’ once again though, he pissed me off enormously. ‘Hi Adam, it’s Tanith, I came over for an interview last week and not heard back from you since, can you enlighten me of the progress?’ and he so puts himself right in there; ‘Tanith, Hi, yes, I was just going to call you!’. I did not care how the rest of the conversation went; I already figured out that I did not get the job but I just wanted to confirm this, plus he said that he would call. However; the nerves to say that you were going to call me while we both know that you were not! Just say that you are sorry that you did not get around to calling me (basically saying that you could not be bothered but in a polite way), but do not say that bullshit!

Liam and I were watching TV tonight and a commercial for RED driving instructors came by. ‘That’s not even that bad though, is it?’ Liam casually remarked. ‘No, it’s not’ I replied. To make a very long and boring story short I went to their website, gave them my details and am awaiting their phone call. Certainly does not hurt to hear what they are on about. Their website stated that I get my own free air-conditioned Vauxhall Astra (new model) which sounds pretty good! I know it will be stamped with pictures of RED on it but I don’t care, it’s a good, nippy little car and I get to make my own hours. So if I want to go back and study I can do it around those hours. It is not the best job in the world but with the economy being so terrible lately it all sounds pretty good. I will have my own office, unfortunately I don’t have a great desk but hey, I got my own little nippy awesome car!

I woke up cheery, so decided to be really nice for Liam and bring him to work. It’s very cold today so the car needed a special treatment this morning. I always start the car before I get the scrapper and ‘de-ice’ it; make the progress go a bit faster. So I got in to get car to get it going, she (Yes, my little car is a she, I named her Betty) looks fine, a bit cold but she is doing good.

I slowly brush my hand very gently over the steering wheel, she is very cold. I slowly slide the key in, give her another slight and gentle tap on the dashboard. She starts glowing, as she is an old, but very fine, diesel. I had faith, she is a very fine car, I turned the key and she coughed, stuttered while the key was still trying to get her going. I went white, ‘don’t let me down sweetie’ I mumbled, ‘I know its cold, but you can do it, your ok’. She stuttered a bit more and then completely went silent.

Her heart gave out; it was just to cold tonight. It is a dark day today; the sun disappeared behind a cloud and it feels even colder then it actually is. A dark day indeed.

This morning whole Derby looked like a fairytale, it was magical until I received the news that the office was open as usual. I called in around 8 to see if anybody was in at all. Unfortunately ‘everybody’ was in. Not willing to take the car as the roads seemed very dangerous I waited 30 minutes freezing my blooming toes off I realised the stupid bus would not show up (even though I did saw it go by earlier in the morning), so I ended up digging out my car anyway. I hate driving in the snow but I been through worse. I didn’t go out of second gear though but all in all I arrived save after a 40 minute drive, it normally takes around 10 minutes but hey, I was only 30 minutes late.

I came in the office and could not believe my eyes. It was way passed nine and I was the fifth person to show up! Everybody there my arse! So after I risked my life to get into work because ‘everybody’ did, I felt hugely disappointed that hardly anybody else was there. I was relieved that another 4 persons showed up after I did. I have to give a big heads up to my boss though; he is the only person to come in that did not live in Derby.

Liam introduced me to Black Books, the English comedy show with Bill Bailey and some others who I cannot remember the name off. If you are looking for a good laugh (or when you are having a nice day off from job hunting and applying) this is definitely the show to pick you up. Liam tripped just before I came home and knocked a hole in the bathroom door. Another broken thing in this shitty house doesn’t matter, hopefully this will open her eyes and do something about this horrible place. Liam is alright, his hand hurt a lot but he is feeling a lot better now, it doesn’t look like it is broken or even strained. He tripped over our cat Puggy in the hallway, where it is always dark, we always nicknamed him ‘Murdercat’ due to the odd places where he sleeps and it seems to become true now. Our cat is out to kill us! I hope it starts with erm!

I was so happy about the snow that I did not see the drama around me. While I was digging out my car out of the snow so I could go home, my co-worker slipped and fell further up the street. She broke her wrist and dislocated her entire arm! She is under heavy medication and staying home resting for now, however I cannot believe that I walked passed all that, dug out my car further down the street and did not notice anything. I wish I knew she had to walk home so I could have given her a ride home, but more people tried to give her a ride home which she denied, well she did not get far walking.

Still no news of the interview, no phone call, no letter, no email, nothing. I am getting seriously pissed off and so going to call that well, arsehole. No need to be polite, he does not deserve it. English rudeness, bah. This reminds me though that I still have a job that I found on the internet to apply to, for Derby university. *Fingers crossed once more*

I just picked up Liam from uni where he had lectures until 8pm, so kind me thought it would be nice to pick him up, specially in this cold weather. Turned out that their ‘class’ discussion took a bit longer, resulting in me sitting out there in the blooming cold for over 30 minutes, I am so not happy. He showed up in the end, I nearly took off as he could not let me know that he was going to be later. It is really no fun, toying between the emotions of anger and worry. I decided to be angry when he finally showed up even though it wasn’t his fault. I now feel a bit guilty for lashing at him but I’ll make it up later. Promise.

I love snow! Unfortunately London got more snow then we did, no snowing in means no time of work tomorrow, which would be so amazing, an unexpected free day. I promised to take some pictures for my mom and dad so let’s hope it’s still there tomorrow. I wish it would snow a lot more, free days and I get Liam to get a sledge so we can go off hills! Fact, Holland is flat, no hills. So when we have snow it is sort off useless for sledges, even though you can buy them everywhere.

I still didn’t hear anything from the interview so I really given up all hope now but there are plenty more jobs out there and I intent to find one. A good one. I am sure something will come along my way soon enough. If it doesn’t I can always go for the Uni option and get some money while doing what I want anyways. There is always a way, I just hope I can find a nice way to secure our future.

They didn’t call me. It is nearly safe to say that I didn’t get this job. I am neither surprised nor disappointed, what I really want to do is work for the Derby University, any job there would do. I don’t know why but I got an obsession with the University but I think it might have something to do with me wanting to study so badly. I know I should enrol now while I am still reasonable young but with Liam being a student already I am the one that brings in the money and makes living here in England a bit bearable. I don’t mean that England is horrible it is just really expensive. If I go to University we would have no money at all and I like the visits to my family.

I am completely into Dexter at the moment, it is a brilliant show. Season 1 is ok but season 2 is really picking up the pieces, it is becoming quite interesting. I had a wonderful lazy day today, watching Dexter and even read a bit in the little book about psychology I have. It is really good and interesting, I cannot wait to start this course, I like reading up about it and do a sort of self study. I just feel a bit lost without any specific tasks; know which bits of all the information that is out there regarding psychology. I need to know which information I need to keep in my head for this.


I picked up my gorgeous little (big) laptop bag, I love it much. I got the army green bag and the little ‘drawing’ on it is in gold. All my stuff fits in it and well, I have to admit it some time. Hi all, I’m Tanith and I have a bag addiction. I have at least 5 other bags here in the house, and that is after a big clean out. No big brands or really expensive bags, just lots of them in all shapes and forms.

I hope to hear something from the company where I went for an interview last Wednesday. I cannot get over this English rudeness of not getting back to you after a letter, email or even an interview. As non-English I always believed that English people are really polite but I had to reconsider that though so fast when I arrived here. I am not talking about the annoying chav’s everywhere, every country has it own ‘chavs’. It is really weird, I worked at 3 different companies and send out lots of applications but professionalism is really hard to find here for some odd reason. Let’s just hope that company gets back to me tomorrow and proofs me wrong.